PERSONAL BLOG

I like to feel inspired and excited about learning. Other writers inspire me, news and research about health, fitness, mindfulness and even manifesting all have a place in my heart and mind. I also like astrology, and I don’t care if you may judge me - it mixes well with spirituality, faith and G-O-D. Although I did leave the latter out of this piece for now. I also enjoy an inspiring quote, and I care not if that is perceived as corny. Inspiring quotes not only make me think, but they motivate me to be better. Words of wisdom can often times add perspective and depth to our lives, and who couldn’t use a bit more of that these days?

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Yes, for the 100th time, it’s the New Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR-ISH! While most people are doing dry January, I have not had a desire to drink in the last 9 months. Maybe it’s where I am in my life or I’ve lost my mind on this “journey.” My primary desire this January, and as of late, is to use my time more wisely and in service of how I want to feel. This means taking a look at how I spend my time, which is scary. I can guarantee that I spend at least 30 minutes to 1 hour of my life, a few times a week, in an Al Bundy position on the couch watching Millionaire Matchmaker. Patty makes me laugh.

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Taking the time to dream a little bit can set the stage for living a bigger and brighter life. A bigger and brighter life is determined by you, your comfort, your hunger for growth and a desire to live in and leave this world better. It may seem juvenile or fruitless to have or talk about dreams, but I can guarantee you that it’s not. Having dreams expands our lives, health, and creativity; giving us something to aspire to and enjoy.

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In September of 2020 I sat across the table from Nick at a mediocre Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood of Astoria, Queens. It was our second date and not much about the food was memorable, but our conversation was and, if I’m being honest, so were his eyes. Hardly a love story between him and I, but the date was the beginning of a love story I would soon create with myself, but I didn’t know it walking into that ordinary night at that ordinary, mediocre restaurant to meet a man I hardly knew and would never kiss.

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Dear 2023, Thank you. You were filled with a lot of learning, new friends and stillness. I traveled very little, but I did a lot of living and the travel within myself was what I needed most. The 18” between my head and my heart is becoming, day by day, an increasingly shorter distance. What more can I ask for? While I always thought having a partner mattered for love, romance, completion and more, my true partner is myself. Instead of chasing work, love and validation - you brought me all of those things and life -  naturally and effortlessly. I lived in Oaxaca for another 6 months

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I am going to openly admit something, and I don’t care how wavy gravy it sounds. Admittedly, I used to judge people and thought they were drinking some special spiked Kool-Aid but now I do it too. I’ve been doing it. I’ve done it. I practice affirmations every morning and every time I want to scream. That’s right, I still get angry because I am a flawed human - BUT positive affirmations remind me that it’s ok to have feelings so long as I breathe, notice, stay on course and remain positive despite being derailed by my own mind or reactions.

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As we end 2023 in a few short days, I can’t help but think about what my heart holds for 2024. What does your heart hold? There’s gotta be something there. Don’t lie. Don’t be scared. I try very hard to remember that I can change anything I want, at any time in my life. Call me crazy but I do not believe that it’s ever too late or impossible to embrace our lives and change. Even if it means living on your savings account for a while … or, as I like to say, because it’s way more prosperous, even if means investing in yourself for a while …
If you don’t like where you are, close your eyes and imagine where you’d like to be.

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Earlier in January I shared a few tips to live more consciously so that you can connect more to yourself, others, your own habits and ways of living. My hope is that using those tips will allow you to live in service of how you want to feel. Or, at least I hope so. This week I want to introduce connections between habits and our energy because how we treat our body and what we put in our body counts. Remember, you’re a luxury car and you deserve only the best food and fuel.

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As we start another new year we humans tend to make a lot of promises to ourselves. Ones that often involve shedding a few pounds, working out, committing to a diet or a new health ritual. We make promises to ourselves and I think it’s great, I really do. Self-improvement, fresh goals, changes and starting over are paramount to growth. We’re limitless. But I always have to ask, What’s inside of those promises? What’s the why or the reason? Is it rooted in the heart or in the ego? In service of vanity or a real, long lasting change?

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The limits of my language mean the limits of my world -Ludwig Wittgenstein  The other day, while out on my mid-morning walk, I visited my local church. I find mid-morning to be the most ideal time to visit church because it’s quite quiet and I experience a different level of reverence and reflection. There’s a still silence that is filled with spirit, touched by the mystic, I suppose, and, normally, I’m by myself which also tends to elevate the visit. It’s as though I get all of the Saints' attention, just for Tinamarie. My very own private one on one chat with God and his close workers.  Normally, I enter and make a stop to pray with my big 3. 

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It’s been a productive week. I’ve thought a lot about consistency and how it truly impacts our ability to make changes. How it creates subtle confidence. I don’t have any doubts that I’m where I’m supposed to be even if it looks different than where everyone else is with marriage, kids, owning a home or being surrounded by family all of the time. While I had a good few days of yoga practice, I also found comfort in cooking and did a lot of writing - deciding to start my newsletter again. I think I have words to share that may help people. I have been allowing the light to shine on my face a lot lately and that helped.

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For most of my life, even after losing 160 pounds, I struggled with emotional eating, food addiction, stress and anxiety. I wrestled with my mind to stop its revolving wheel of worry and negative thoughts as I worked hard and tried to stay calm - from matters at work to situations at home. I longed to deeply connect to myself. I’m being honest with you because lying to myself and you will never help either of us. I know what anxiety, stress, food and worry are capable of when combined over an extended period of time. If I don’t share the truth and what I’ve learned - then how am I going to help others change or feel less alone? 

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