Dear Speculoos Cookie Butter

Dear Speculoos Cookie Butter,
The night I ate a whole jar of you in 6 sittings wasn’t my proudest moment. I haven’t been able to look at you since. I sat on the couch covered in my blankets, jar in lap, spooning your sweet, soothing, crunchy goodness into my mouth. I paused. I put the jar away, retreated back to my blanket fort and Netflix.

After five minutes I walked back to the cabinet.

I did this 6 times.

Until you were gone.

You made me feel safe. You comforted me when no one was around. You were a gift brought to my home by someone I was dating.

It’s as though Joe knew he couldn’t be there for me emotionally, so he brought you in his place. He brought me my good old stand in, food, instead of giving me what I wanted, which was his heart.

When he wouldn’t text me back or told me he wanted to come over but didn’t want me to feel used - there you were. You waited patiently and quietly in my cabinet. He gave me you instead. Always there in my time of need.

And it’s not just you, Speculoos. Don’t think you’re that special.

You’re fucking delicious, but you weren’t the only one.

There’s been peanut butter. Almond butter. Cashew butter. Insert name of every fucking butter. Nutella. Black bean brownies and even cucumbers. I’ve stuffed it all in to not feel loneliness or pain.

I’ll always love you, you piece of shit jar of cookies, chemicals and numbing calm - but I’m backing off.

Signed,

Tina