On Writing + Name Calling
Sometimes I get lost in thinking about all of the titles I would not call my memoir. One google search and I’ve realized there is no room for me in the genre of weight loss memoirs. Kim Rinheart poached titles such as Goodbye Fatty! Hello Skinny! and Fatass No More. I’ve never read either of her books. Some writers would care to read authors of the same genre, or anyone that would serve as competition, but I would like to think whatever I have to say will undoubtedly be funnier. Besides, I call myself a fatass, in jest, but it wouldn’t go on the cover of my book. Insults would be hidden on page 53 where the running list of playground comments might live.
I love lists.
1. whaler
2. thunder thighs
3. beached whale
4. fatty bumbalatty
Bumbalatty, not even a word, but rhymed with fatty, and this was the level of insult I was dealing with from ages 7-13. Dumb asses.
5. orca
6. Shamu
7. Willy
I loved the underwater theme and maybe I didn’t mind it quite so much because I LOVED WHALES. When I was a kid, every opportunity there was to join the “adopt a whale program,” you guessed it, I joined. I wanted to save the whales. Beautiful, large, glorious and elegant, I wanted to save them from becoming extinct. I still love whales. Many years ago I saw the Drew Barrymore movie trailer for Big Miracle and the movie looked so bad but I am; however, steadfastly dedicated to Drew Barrymore movies - for better or worse - and whales. Two whales, stuck under a block of ice and Drew is trying to save them? Sign me up for a matinee by myself - she is such a trailblazer!
And although I love food and have a tormented and seductive relationship with it that is now more healed and boring than hot and lustful, this also alludes to my love life at this juncture in time, what stops me from writing is 1) fear - - I’m only a regualr human who lost a bunch of weight, kept it off, who loves to coo and write. I guess that’s it. But we’re all afraid of something, right? Mostly ourselves or telling the truth. Besides, the internet, tv and social media are now saturated with stories, body talk, weight loss programs - everywhere you turn there’s someone else telling and selling something. But I’ll never stop writing, it’s too sacred to me. Too much a part of who I am.