Writing about mental and physical health, books, podcasts, music, travel, new experiences and anything that contributes to personal growth. Sharing tidbits of joy and some serious things too. With a few notes on miracles and spirituality, of course. When we we read, listen and connect from our hearts, we can continue to stay curious and learn. Let’s grow together.
Throughout the week I journal, daily, rarely to never missing a morning because it’s become so routine. After I pee, after I brush my teeth, after I put on the coffee, after I make the bed - I settle in to write. What comes up in my journal is varied; reflections on the day prior or a trend of overarching themes like love, loss, lust, counting down the months since I’ve had sex, and wondering if life is a trick. It’s easy to count what we don’t have and to get attached to an idea. An attachment is often invisible, and it can make us unconsciously miserable. It can feel as though somehow, somewhere, some way - we’ve lost our light.
This morning I was thinking about how all things in life are temporary. The good moments. The terrible times. The pain. The joy. Work. Love. People. No matter what, nothing lasts forever, and remaining present is where our lesson lives. Today, in yoga class, our teacher asked us to open with downward dog. What ended up being a 5 minute plus hold of downward dog. One can learn a lot about themselves in a 100 degree room, with 49 other people, holding downward dog for 5 minutes. If you don’t think so, stand on all fours and try it now while you hover over a heater.
Have you ever woken up, day after day, and felt unmotivated, confused, frustrated and anxious? Everyday you rise at a different time and move from one task to another without feeling a sense of calm? Maybe without a sense of accomplishment? Do you have a routine? Um, probably not if you’re feeling that way. In which case, I am sorry and I will say “get thee a routine now!” You might think routines are boring, for nerds, or children and that your grown-ass does not need one, but you do.
I am my home. Home is where the heart is, right? I mean, the phrase was coined with reason yet when I deconstruct the phrase itself (because I pick apart words like I would pick my childhood scraped knee scars), I think about how truly layered it is. What does home mean to you? For me, home is a not specific place but my whole person. I work to make her beautiful everyday and no, no day is ever perfect. Home is my mind. Home is my attitude toward myself and the world. Home is my body and the way I feel in it, understanding and accepting its story. Home is cooking a meal because I'm worth the time I put into myself. Home is knowing what I deserve and taking the steps to get there even when I’m scared and even if it looks different than the homes of others.
Self-love and self-care function together, but they’re also different. Self-love is a process of forgiveness, acceptance and compassion. I wrote about self-love here, sharing some things you might think about as your creating a new and loving relationship with yourself as well as a few actions you can take toward yourself as you learn to develop an intimate bond within you. Today, I want to talk a little bit more about self-care and its nuances. Self-care is more than a once a week bubble bath or cooking the occasional dinner, but consistent lifestyle choices that support your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical well being. Self-care really is a holistic approach to your life. These acts of self-care support self-love and, to be wholly honest, I realized I’ve only started caring for myself in the last year or so. I was always
Self-love and self-care are words we have heard a lot lately, right? Especially over the last few years and throughout the pandemic when our lives changed so very much; housebound, in ruts, on top of one another or completely isolated if you were without family. But what do these words really mean anyway? What do these words mean to me and to you in the context of our individual everyday life that moves, bends, shakes and stirs in 90 directions all at the same time and in different ways? On the giant adult slip and slide of life it’s hard to not take a fall, forget, put off a much needed pause or to stop when we are struggling to stand. But self-love is knowing who we are on a deeper level, it grounds us and gives us the ability to think and understand where we fit into a situation or a role as our most authentic self.
Writing has been a tool I’ve used for most of my life to express how I feel. An avid diary and journal keeper since childhood, I can’t imagine life without writing about my feelings, hopes and heartache through humor and story. I’ve used my journal to write about anything from my morning coffee, constipation, hopeless dates, fear, letters to food I’ve overeaten, lists of reasons I love people in my life and the things I’m most afraid of. I know you might be thinking “I’m not a writer, why would I write or keep a journal?” And my answer would be that we can all write because we all experience life and carry stories inside of us. These stories do not have to be shared or detailed like a writer in the form of a poem, novel or a short story but it is our work to release what’s inside of us; for better or worse.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why movement is so important in our lives beyond changing or amplifying the shape of our body, gains, getting snatched, a six pack, legging legs, thigh gaps and all of the words we see associated with fitness, exercise and, even now, yoga and pilates practices. I’ve also been thinking a lot about why it’s the human condition to make excuses, be non-committal and think about health as a loss instead of a gain.
Yesterday marked my 9 month Yoga-versary. That’s 9 months of almost daily practice, a commitment I never imagined I would keep to myself. A commitment longer than any romantic relationship, but I suppose my yoga story is one of love and romance too. Just with myself. And, if people can celebrate their babies month to month, who am I to not celebrate a commitment to self-love?
As we all know, habits are patterns we repeat over and over again until they become natural to us. Sometimes we have developed really fantastic habits and other times … um, not so much. A habit can be a difficult thing to make and an easy thing to break, but how we treat our own mind and body as well as how we treat others can change the way we feel inside and out. Maintaining healthy habits can be hard in the midst of life, but I know from practice that it’s possible with some active thinking and, maybe, this acronym as a reminder.
I arrived at my first hot yoga class 30 minutes early and waited outside of the studio with my mat, a book, a towel and my bottle of water. Sweating makes me highly uncomfortable because I don’t just sweat, I become a human puddle. It’s a sight to behold and has been so mentally debilitating that I’ve cancelled dates in the summer or begged them to be in the confines of air conditioning and darkness. When I was heavier I navigated the world
I know, at least for me, that the challenge of doing something new is almost always fraught with a frothy layered fear of failure. I would think first about what I would lose, instead of what I might gain from the new experience. Framing something as negative before the jump, before even trying is the fail. By thinking negatively, we’ve stopped success in its tracks. But the yes lives inside all of us. And doing new things is supposed to be hard, duh.
