Building A Life, A Short Journal Excerpt

After a few fast days days in Mexico City, everything about today was slow and steady. I walked around the city in a state of romance, passing the tree where I first got sick in Oaxaca. On my third day of being here, in 2022, I found myself kneeling on this very sidewalk in a state of heat stroke. A race of fast walking, not eating and trying to see every landmark within my 5 day stay in the city center - I learned my lesson. After a call from God, I decided to stay in Oaxaca for 6 months and start to unravel myself. I soon understood why I would push limits to the point of sickness in order to accomplish something, anything. I would soon learn how much control I needed to have in order to feel like I was participating in life.

Today I looked at the tree, where I once profusely vomited, and giggled. I thought about how far I’ve come in 2.5 years. Today I walked around the city, slowly, in a state of romance. In two weeks I’ll be returning to the states for a little while, a balance of family, responsibility and a desire to be near people I love.

I got to thinking about how, over time, we build lives. Many lives, if we’re lucky. Fast lives or slow lives, if we like. We meet new people, while others leave, and love continues to take root despite what we may observe. Love is always there. Slowing down, and letting go, have been the greatest gift I could give myself after what seemed like infinite years of chasing and becoming. It’s nice to not rush. It’s nice to just be me.
Today there was writing, a long walk to yoga, two classes, lunch, another walk for groceries, and teaching English class. In the past, I was so scared to slow down because I might miss a chance or opportunity. Because if I wasn’t chasing my life and love, I might miss it all. But I know the truth now.

I also find it difficult to move quickly, and I’m at peace with that too. I guess I know where I belong. I guess I know who I belong to. I imagine I’ll keep building a life from there.