547.5 Days and Counting
Yesterday, I celebrated 547.5 days of yoga practice. That’s 1 1/2 years. For some reason, I enjoy counting days better because, well, they are cumulatively much larger and hold more weight at least in my mind.
Aside from walking, this has been my longest physical commitment to date. It’s one that has been symbolic of discipline, dedication and an ongoing effort love a mind that worked in circles and appreciate a body I did not fully respect. Is there a movement practice you’re committed to? If not, is there a reason you haven’t started? What’s one physical commitment you might be willing to make?
Over the course of the last 547.5 days I have experienced both pain and changes to my body and practice. I got very used to showing up and practicing a particular way and creating an adaptive practice has been challenging. Through much mental work, because I felt like a failure who was letting down my teacher, myself and my progress, I learned to let go of thoughts that harm me. I am coming to an understanding that I do not have to feel like a failure or less rooted in my practice because I have not been able to do certain poses or need rest between practice. Inevitably, our bodies will change, slow down, suffer an injury; or life will take us on a roller coaster where we find it hard to make space and time to move. I’m getting better at understanding this and not stopping because of a change, but moving forward in spite of it. The important part is continuing to show up for ourselves and to not judge our progress based on what we see in media or on social accounts. At this point it is clear I will move and need to move for my brain health, mental health and to protect my body from aging — not only to do cool yoga postures.
Yoga means union, and if I’m not one with myself and forgiving of this body and it’s abilities, then I am not truly practicing the art of uniting or union, right? Intellectually, I know that yoga lives beyond my ability to do asana, and that this is only 1 part in 8 limbs of the practice. The practice is also about the ability to sit with limitations and that which cannot be controlled. I had many physical accomplishments over the last 547.5 days and, while that’s cool because it’s tangible and I can see it in a photo or video, I’m more proud of my improved ability to show love and compassion when I used to explode; to breathe when I would yell or turn inward and say nothing at all. I now spend more time in stillness and infinitely less time stewing and brooding. I have faced fears, those far greater than my excess skin and falling down in class. I have faced the fear of communicating because it takes courage to sit around the table, with family, and have hard conversations about the near future, health, money and aging.
I am still finding God and learning how to return to love when I show up outside of it. I have learned how to focus enough to write; to move forward with telling stories and creating an existence that I enjoy living on most days. I am counting days, but I’ve stopped counting my life in monetary accomplishments, stuff and work. It has possibly been the happiest 547.5 days of my life, even when my brain tells me I’m doing shitty.
Who knew yoga, reading and movement could change so much in my life? Have you dreamed of beginning a practice? Allow yourself to dance with the idea of moving and begin somewhere, you never know where it can lead. And while my relationship with myself is not perfect, neither is my practice, it is something I can constantly go back to to feel more whole, especially when things feel like they’re falling apart. Things fall apart sometimes, and caring for ourselves is part of what can keep us together even in our own pain, loss, emotions and unexpected moments.