Newsletter Archive: Finding growth in pain, a life on layaway and eggs for dinner
Dear Reader,
For the last ten days or so I’ve been somewhat out of commission; nursing a painful case of tendonitis that has slowed me down. A few weeks ago, on my morning walk to yoga, I met an older man, Arturo, who uses a wheelchair because of an accident that caused him to lose one of his legs 10 years ago. I began helping him get to work in the morning, but I’m afraid that between the extra movement, weight and the sloping rocky streets - I took on too much. Seeing others in need always gives me pause and because I have the gift of time while in Oaxaca, I always go to help. I realized a lot this week, and I am grateful for the lesson - even if I can’t walk well at the moment.
Being in pain isn’t comfortable, is it? But I got to thinking about how much pain do we bring on ourselves? How does our desire to do what we want make things worse? Can our desire to help others also bring us pain - even if well intentioned? Maybe being slowed down is a gift from God, if we can manage to look at it that way (and let go of our ego)?
Pain can make us feel sad, unmotivated and uncomfortable. We suffer from a lack of sleep and it can keep us in our heads, wondering “When the f#$K will I feel better? When the f#$k will this all end?” I’ve managed to make it to yoga (in a taxi, while getting a ride home from friends) because it alleviates some of the pain (mental and physical), so I’m grateful. I don’t enjoy waking up in pain, but it would be worse if I stayed in bed all day. There’s a balance between overdoing something and intention, well, in every area of life. I’m trying to remember that this situation is temporary, which seems to be a recurring lesson in my life. Maybe this is a recurring lesson in all of our lives? That pain won’t last forever. Whether it’s a pain in our hearts or the physical kind.
With time in bed, I was lesson planning for the kids and journaling. I found some energy to walk and sit on a bench not far from my apartment. I let the colors, energy and affection of the city run through me. Love came out of my eyes in tears. I sat and observed every day life, the joy of people holding hands and the beauty of dance. I thanked God for his help and for these moments; while appreciating how simple it can be to step outside of our pain if we want to.
Is there a place you like to go and notice the simple things? A place where you can take in the beauty that surrounds you? I’m taking this pain that’s not in my ass, but that I originally framed as a pain in my ass (actually it’s now migrating up my thigh to my ass), as a chance to reflect. Growth can happen in the strangest of places, most often the hard and slow times. I’ll be leaving Oaxaca in a little over a month, and it’s hard to believe that 2.5 months have passed so quickly.
Maybe this “pain” was/is a reminder to be present? To talk to God? To notice how much has changed in my life and the way I want to move in the world? To eat breakfast for dinner and delight in a gooey, soft scramble and not wish for steak or sushi? To enjoy what I do have instead of thinking about what I don’t have or what’s to come? To keep creating life, like I once did in my NY apartment when I was tired from work and sick? A time to say “I’d love to help” and also realize help doesn’t have to hurt?
This week, can you sit in a void and not avoid it? Is there a pain you’ve been struggling through but, now, you realize that you don’t have to suffer? Can you let your mind be grateful for the pain or the hurt? Can you re-write the story and give it space to be something else? Can you help someone without hurting yourself?
We get one chance at life, and we can do over parts of it as many times as we need to by making new decisions. I pray that we can all live in a way that is peaceful for our souls. Where we can also help ourselves.
More next week. Maybe with a limp, maybe without a limp, who knows?
But always, written and signed, while in my underwear.
XO
Tina