I am going to be honest and tell you that much like July 4th barbecues (they’re sweaty and if you say you like them, you’re probably lying or going for the free beer), I don’t love a holiday party. Sound the gong, it’s ok. You might be wondering why I don't love a holiday party? Here we go: crowded, crowded, actual clothing required and, since the pandemic, the only clothing I put on this bod is active wear. I also like to be in bed by 9:30pm reading a book. Let’s not zoom in on why I am also single. Historically, I have also made poor holiday party decisions by drinking too much and once told Sway, at our MTV holiday party, that I wanted to have his “SWAY-bies.” Those are his Sway babies. I am safer at home.

The holidays can be a stressful time of year when it comes to commitments, overcommitting, spending and overspending money you might not have at the moment. But things don’t have to be this way. It’s been an ongoing process to learn that I am, and have been, responsible for the majority of stress in my life. In the past I have overcommitted and over extended myself because I thought I “should” go to events, show up or do ________ (insert activity or so called commitment) even when I didn’t truly want to. I was a slave to optics and the fears I harbored about saying no, changing my mind or a preconceived/long-standing belief. My inner monologue on shrieking DJ vinyl repeat “what will people think of you, Tina?” Getting over these thoughts and this language is the deep work I’m doing without a therapist and on my yoga mat everyday. I realize that for most of my life, stress has been caused by 1. Me 2. Not having solid boundaries 3. Breaking my own boundaries 4. Inner desires to people please and be “approved” 5. Not respecting my own limits

That said, if we stay strong and keep some boundaries in place (in life and during the holidays, especially), while eliminating thoughts of being “perfect,” I do believe it makes life feel a wee-bit-less anxiety producing. Start now, it’s never too late to change your mind. Be honest with yourself and others, even if the conversation is hard, it’ll save the heartache, time you could have devoted to yourself, stress, and an empty wallet or bank account.

Boundaries may look like

Saying no to a holiday party OR family plans. Don’t hate me Do what works for you and YOUR lifestyle. Protect yo neck!
Going to the holiday party or said family event, making a b-line for the free cheese, having 1-2 glasses of free wine and heading home by a decent hour so there are no next day work or life regrets. You had fun, no need to take it to the next level afterparty. Go home. On time.
Ordering more gifts online. Support small by shopping on Etsy or other independent online retailers. A few women I support are Pillow Pia and Gen Happy Shop. You can also find my art prints and apparel here.
Choosing to go the route of Secret Santa and limiting the gift buying all together. Less to wrap and more creative anyway!
Keeping gifts under X cost. Less credit card debt and, undoubtedly, more thoughtful. Meaningful gifts are the best.
Calling no gifts. A few years ago we stopped gifts all together in my family because the real gift is being together to celebrate another year of life and the big JC (Jesus Christ or Jerry Corrado, that’s my Panettone eating dad). Now we collect less things, have more time and make memories together. All big wins. Besides, moms cookies are gift enough. We still fight a lot, over the cookies and fried calamari. We’re far from perfect, but there’s presence over presents.
Continuing to wake up on time, workout, keep steady habits and not get consumed with the hullabaloo. Put yourself first, and THEN holiday shop, decorate, send cards or go to parties. You matter here.
When you’re on a budget and want to see your buds, instead of going out for dinner and drinks in crowded places, put on your pajamas, bake and watch a holiday movie. Instagram and TikTok have enough free inspiration at your fingertips. I’ll be doing that according to the latest group chat.
Not answering the phone when you’re in the middle of doing something that’s important to you. Send the call to VM and check the VM after to make sure there are no emergencies.
Continuing to practice being honest with yourself about how you want to feel and prioritize that over showing up to life in a certain way because you “think” you have to. Saying no and doing you is a-ok. Says the woman who went to Mexico for 3 weeks and stayed for 6 months. Everyone will be fine. I promise.
Bonus: Save a tree and a stamp. Don’t stress out over not mailing holiday cards. Everyone will be fine, I promise.

Happy Holidays and no stressin.’
These tips go beyond the holidays and spread their anti-stress-advice wings into life, so keep thinking about how YOU want to feel! You’re doing great! A new year and a new you is on the horizon!

With Love,

Tina

10 Boundaries to Help Alleviate Holiday Stress + Stress in General