***I practice affirmations every morning and every time I want to scream. That’s right, I still get angry and have negative thoughts because I am a flawed human […]***

I am going to openly share something, and I don’t care how wavy gravy it sounds. Admittedly, I used to judge people and thought they were hippies or drinking some special spiked Kool-Aid for “doing it” but now I “do it” too. I practice affirmations every morning and every time I want to scream. That’s right, I still get angry and have negative thoughts because I am a flawed human - BUT positive affirmations remind me that it’s ok to have feelings so long as I breathe, notice, stay on course and eventually snap back to a positive state despite being derailed by my own thoughts.

If you’re in touch with writing in the self-help and spiritual genre, you might be familiar with Louise Hay as well as the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. For quite a long time I thought these individuals to be far out and on their own planet, judging them and their beliefs on “attracting and creating the life you desire.” From my own quiet and self-loathing corner of planet earth where I was perpetually working long hours, stressed, worried, anxious, planning or treading uphill - I believed everything in my life had to be a lesson in struggle. A lesson. In struggle. I believed that the only way I could receive anything was through not only hard work but by pushing, plowing, suffering, mild torment, and unrelenting anxiety. This was a learned belief that I developed to move forward in my life (I was nicknamed Turbo Tina at work for years and Auntie which was kinder) and being this woman worked for a really long time, until it didn’t. Ease, rest and alignment were words that never crossed my mind when it came to getting what I wanted as I worked, planned, climbed and cried. I smiled a lot in public, but I was unconscious, especially when it came to work, for so long. But (aha moment of my heart) I always knew there was hope.

I had a story of change and consciousness in my life, I still do, it’s my benchmark for change, having lost another 80 lbs. that year and maintaining the weight loss for another 22 years. I consciously created a new relationship between myself, my mind and food, but I did not believe I was capable of doing the same for my life and career.

A Journey of Self and Consciousness

In the summer of 2001 I unexpectedly moved to a small working farm in Ashford, CT for 3 months between my junior and senior year of college. It was here that my consciousness journey began. Please keep in mind that no one was talking, writing or discussing consciousness more broadly at this point; the internet was barely alive and, for context, sushi wasn’t even on the map yet. It was still some secret food. Self-awareness, consciousness and the use of positive affirmations as a widely popularized area of belief to change wasn’t buzzing like it is now. It was certainly happening in the world of Esther Hicks and Louise Hay, but at 21 I wasn’t aware of their work. That summer I figured something out on my own through taking a leap, changing my environment, embracing quiet and stillness. Damn the internet and social media, they make all of that way harder now - or we can reframe this statement to say there’s a lot of valuable information now readily available for us to use in service of being more conscious and positive.

That sticky, balmy, thigh chafing July of 2001, I walked through myself. This walk resulted in an 80 lb. weight loss after years of emotional, compulsive eating and food addiction. By moving to the farm, I consciously decided that I would not go back to my childhood home in Brooklyn or subject myself to dorm cafeteria shame. I removed myself from old environments where I was spoken to poorly and where I had space to work, cook, walk and build not only new habits but new thoughts. I wrote daily, read, consciously slowed down and did so while working a full time job at the University of Connecticut. I had a story of change and consciousness in my life, I still do, it’s my benchmark for continued positive change and growth. And, by the middle of 2002, I lost another 80 lbs. So, what happened? By believing I could change my habits, by choosing a new environment, taking the leap, building new habits and affirming positive statements - I consciously created a new relationship between myself, my mind and food. That relationship, to date, is still ever growing and expanding in understanding 22 years later.

As years went on and I started my career, moved around and got promoted I started feeling disconnected from my life. I did not see a way nor believe that I was capable of making the same changes or leaps for my life and career that I did with my health. I couldn’t escape my own story of “Work hard,” “Stay the path,” “Do what you see,” “Do what you’ve known,” “Do what you’re told,” “You can’t,” “It’s too late,” “You’re making good money,” and “Don’t give up everything you’ve built, Tina.”

But I finally did it, I leapt, the disconnection feeling like too great a burden to continue carrying - a Sisyphean task of rolling a rock of burden up a never ending hill. After becoming certified as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, I resigned from my job at MTV to start a health and wellness business. My heart was in it, providing me with the courage to resign and the literal signs were there in the universe, but my mind defeated progress. At this point I was working with positive affirmations, but I was only half-heartedly affirming and creating new thoughts. For example “I am abundant and capable of creating a successful health and wellness business, but if it turns out that I’m not, I will go back to freelancing.” My positives were always followed by a doubt. When I started my health coaching business my Plan B was to return to TV. I talked more about freelancing than I did about creating the business I dreamed of, thereby making Plan B my mental priority. My mind made it almost impossible for my heart to keep soaring.

Does this sound familiar to you? Have you doubted a good thing so much in your life that you froze in place? I mean, it’s human nature to be scared of succeeding, but isn’t that unreal? We hold ourselves back because of anger, fear and doubt - our past traumas and more - even in the midst of having courage.

But research shows that positive affirmations really do work and they helps us believe in ourselves, but we have to COMMIT to thinking positively and embrace the feeling of receiving because it is an actual feeling of heart opening, swelling, giving and accepting. We need to get out of our own way. Making a change for the better in our lives, big or small, is totally possible but we have to be invested in ourselves, in our beliefs. University of Pennsylvania researchers showed that repeating self-affirmations produces physical changes in brain regions associated with self-processing, ultimately impacting their view of themselves, and these changes are associated with subsequent positive changes in people’s behavior (Hamilton).

When my mind continued to run interference over my heart, I went back to freelancing as I’d said I would. Two years ago I was working in news and I hit what I would qualify as rock bottom. A lot of numbing through dating, texting, drinking, showing up to work maladjusted and feeling resentful toward my family and myself. Again, I started to believe this was life. And if everyone around me was dating, finding love, getting promoted and buying homes well, then, I should keep trying too. I put an offer on a house that I did not get. Thank God. Nothing was working for me anymore except the art I was making and the daily journaling that revealed I was depressed and somewhat lost, but held on to hope.

I resigned from my job in 2022 and took a 3 week vacation that ended in a 6 month stay in Mexico. I used the house downpayment money as my ticket to freedom. This time, I promised myself I would not have a Plan B. The only plan would be to forgive myself and move forward. I let go of my life and control by leaving my job and New York City on a whim. I began taking my spirituality and positive affirmations seriously, working with them and working on myself daily. I recalled what I did on the farm, past successes in leaping, and decided to move forward in my own forgiveness.

Both Louise Hay and Dr Joe Dispenza talk about forgiveness. There was a lot of forgiveness I had to muster up. Forgiveness of myself, family, failed success, the business and more. Once I really started doing that along with affirmations, meditation and yoga; my mind and heart were open to greater connection, wisdom and possibilities within myself. The space between my head and my heart slowly closed and I could finally hear myself think. I shifted to being grateful for everything that happened to me and I was even grateful for my shitty thoughts because I needed to go through all of them to free my heart.

What would happen if you let go of something you were holding on to? Anything? And you replaced it with a positive affirmation or belief in yourself. What if you really did forgive yourself? Your parents? An ex? And let all the shit go, who could you be if you opened your heart?

Affirmations, meditation and yoga broke a wall inside of me, a wall I thought was impenetrable because of long standing stories, limiting beliefs and fear. A wall that was so thicky thicky thick thick with “I can’t” “You can’t” “That’s not possible.” Thick and sticky with peanut butter, jelly and trauma.

Believing for Change

Deep down, even when I was scared and waiting for a shoe or brick to drop on my head, I believed there was more for me to do and find in the world, my own journals told me. Life wasn’t hard, it was my fear and old thoughts that led to frustration and poor choices. I had to take responsibility for the role I played in my life. Affirmations, meditation and yoga broke a wall inside of me, a wall that I thought was impenetrable because of long standing stories and limiting beliefs. A wall that was so thicky thicky thick thick with “I can’t” “You can’t” “That’s not possible.” Thick and sticky with peanut butter, jelly and trauma. Not delicious. Today those statements have been replaced with “I can” “You can” “Anything is possible” “I am _____” and other phrases of belief and forgiveness.

Does this sound familiar to you? The doubt? The fear? The anxiety? Because I can’t imagine I’m the only person in the whole wide world who is not famous, nor a celebrity or Oprah - that wants to do more good things in their life but is afraid to speak it, receive it and be it. I am not the only person who has hurt themselves, other people, blamed and stomped off about it. What I’ve come to learn through committing to practicing being conscious of myself, my life, my mind and heart - is that ordinary people like me and you can have better, more positive, aligned, meaningful and peaceful lives when we decide we really want to live and feel differently.

All of the things I thought I should want or tried to force in my life (a house, a big title job, a relationship, children), when I started being honest with myself and my heart, those desires left with no pain, and old feelings faded - they were replaced with joy and the call to my heart.

The Work + Some Honesty

The works is believing in ourselves. But believing in ourselves and our heart is something rarely to never taught outside of early childhood education practices in school. I remember substitute teaching 5 years olds and telling James, a student referred to as a bad seed, to keep writing and drawing. To let himself express. And he did. My belief in him garnered a more positive James in the classroom.

As we get older and jaded, life turns into, well, life, where doubt forecasting and planning for the worst happens. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Lately I have broken this spell on myself by casting my ego aside. Without an ego I can’t be hurt or really fail (to me failure is another way of saying learning). Opening my heart to belief and possibility changed my life. When I work through my heart I see that I not only deserve more, but I feel I am capable of changing something in the world. Something bigger than me. And when I decided I deserved more, the right people came into my life, at the right time, and everything started working for me instead of me working for it. But I had to affirm and align, leaving my past in the past and live in my present thoughts.

All of the voices that told me I should want the house, a big job title, more dates, more sex, a relationship and children, became silent when I started being honest with my heart. By imagining and affirming that I could make any life I wanted, I gave those desires permission to leave my mind, heart and body with with no pain. I was no longer waiting for my life to begin. Old feelings faded and they were replaced with new hope. I had to say “Tina, shut the f#$k up and stop your bull$#@t.” When we stop our shit, the universe and God are like - ok, dude or dudette, I’ve got you. I hear you.

Truth Bomb

You might be thinking, “Tina is nuts, where does she think money comes from?” The call to my heart has not yet come with a big fat pay day in terms of cold, hard, cash - nor intimacy, a husband or partner where we can truly support one another. BUT it has come with a big fat pay day to my heart, lifestyle, health and numerous connections that have changed my life. All of the above has paid me more than money ever could. And, I’m here, writing what I believe, and going back to Mexico to teach. All of the above is truly priceless, especially our health and well being. And, yes, I believe the money will come in alignment with my life. I have to keep being open.

I guess the question really is, are you open to working on yourself? Believing in and listening to your needs? It’s only now, looking back on my life, that I can see that signs were present all along. Can you look back on your life and make those connections too? The people you’ve met? The feeling you had when you walked into a certain room? I hope and pray so. Don’t deny yourself those moments of belief. Affirm that anything is possible and believe to receive. Turn the page and get to work.

When you can reframe your relationship to yourself and become conscious of your words, thoughts, actions and reactions - you’ll notice changes to your health happen more naturally because you’re no longer operating from autopilot, instant gratification, or ego - but from a more mindful perspective.

Positive Affirmations

The below positive affirmations reinforce the ability to speak change into existence. If you try it, you may just like it. Note: this is not a one day or one time thing, rewiring our mind and hearts means committing to a practice and believing it too. I’ll be here believing for you. You’re the change you want in your life. No matter how big or small.

I forgive myself for past choices, decisions and anything I have done to hold myself back or hurt others. I forgive anyone that has hurt me and my heart. I am moving forward.
I am making changes to the way I think, act and speak. From this place of being more conscious, I take responsibility for my life.
I am healthy in my mind and body, and when I make healthy choices, I am able to love not only myself, but others more.
I love myself and I love my body. When I respect myself and my body I am living in a state of health and health is a gift.
When I live more simply, slowly and intentionally, I preserve my energy for what truly matters to me.
When I am quiet, I can hear my heart. I want to live in alignment with the desires of my heart and which are __________________ .
I am open to receiving new opportunities in love, work and sources of money. I am an abundant b#$%h.
I only make decisions that allow me to feel good about myself and the person I want to be in the world.
I am worthy of feeling good about myself.
I am worthy of receiving love, kindness and care.
I am proud of who I am, good things are on the way to me.
I can be anything I want to be. I can do anything I want to do. I believe in myself and my ability to change.

When you can reframe your relationship to yourself and become conscious of your words, thoughts, actions and reactions - you’ll notice changes to your health happen more naturally because you’re no longer operating from autopilot, instant gratification, or ego - but from a more mindful perspective. Give yourself permission to change the way you’ve previously thought and move to a more conscious place of decision making. It may seem silly to think that changing your self-talk can change your health, feelings, attitude, job, relationships and even your weight - if you wanted to - but it can. Every change starts with love, reasons, a renewed perspective and a mindset shift. You’ll be very surprised as to what can change in your life when you replace the endless chatter in your mind with what you actually want - from your heart.

When and How to Work with Affirmations

Mornings: before anyone wakes up sit alone, quietly, and work on your positive self-talk. Repeat your affirmations and or write them down. I love writing because the act of writing is a powerful tool. Writing releases us of what we hold in our mind and heart. When we write, thoughts, dreams, doubts and fears no longer live inside of us. Put it on paper. Put it out there. I also find when I do my affirmations before the day gets started (much like working out or yoga), it sets my tone for the day and for my attitude. Also, when we do something in the morning at least we get it done and done before the day becomes someone else’s or unexpected events take place.
Evenings: Before bed, try writing, reciting or repeating your affirmations so they stay with you as you drift off to sleep. Keep a little notebook on your nightstand so it becomes habit to write and recite.
Powerful Post-it Positivity: write down your affirmations and stick them to walls, the mirror, fridge or anywhere you commonly look so you’re always absorbing and taking them in. Create a forcefield of belief and positivity in your mind, wallet, home, cubicle or where ever you roam.
Anytime: try listening to Mind Changing Affirmations with Louise Hay during a morning, afternoon or evening walk. That’s how I got started.
Believe: do the work and and believe it. There is power in affirming and in positive language.
Foster Positive Friendships: Hang around people who are positive and who also want to make changes in their lives. When friends share the same values we bond and that, in turn, creates community. Through building community we heal much quicker and our journey’s to change can feel more attainable and built on a common ground. We’re never alone.

The Power of Heart Centered Change + Positive Affirmations